Final Thoughts

Today I woke up disappointed, sad, and feeling uneasy. Through my 22 years, I have seen lots of bullying, lots of putting other people down, and lots of anger. In 2016, I saw that more clearly when a bully decided to run for president. I thought it was a joke to be honest. How could people even hear what he was saying, see what he was doing, and still vote for him? Today I woke up and decided not to look at my phone. I fell asleep before the decision was made so I just planned on pretending I didn't know the outcome. Then I heard my sister say to my mom before heading to work that she hopes she isn't the one to be made fun of next. I knew at that moment who won and my heart sank. No, it's not dramatic for me to feel like this. My sister is 25 and has Down Syndrome. She has gone her whole life with the stares, the name calling, the discrimination. She is smart enough and old enough to know when it is happening to her. Jess has always come out on top though because of who she is. Now, a president, the commander in chief, is her biggest bully. Just because someone has Downs doesn't mean they don't understand what is going on in this election or what they've seen in the commercials. I was nervous she would see Donald Trump make fun of a disabled man, but thought maybe she wouldn't (She loves TV though so that was kinda stupid of me to think she wouldn't.) I was wrong. She did. And she knew exactly what he was doing because it's been in front of her face all her life. I am sad for her. I am sad for her friends. I am just sad. But I know she'll come out better than before. Hillary spent time and energy trying to make her life better and it's worked overall.

4 out of 6 people in my house are women, 5 out of 9 if you want to count our dogs. We are a home affected by this man because of our gender. We are affected by this man because of my sister. If anyone treated me like Donald has treated women, my dad would have their head. The fear of walking alone in the dark is real for women. The fear of a man approaching us and not taking no for an answer is real for women. Now we have a president who does just that by letting men and boys know that this behavior is okay because hey maybe one day you'll be president.

I am a woman, I have friends who are minorities, I have a sister with special needs, I have women in my life that I look up to, I have a dad who would never let a man treat me like that, I have LGBTQ friends, and I am so sorry. So sorry to all of these people that were let down by America. But one thing Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton taught us...when they go low, we go high. Today we must stay high. We are worth more than what Trump has made us out to be. We are worth more than this election. We will be okay if we choose lover over hate. We will be okay.

And one more thing to add. My grandfather was a veteran. My family continues to have people who serve as well as friends. I am not ashamed to be an American. I am not unhappy to be an American. Right now, I am sad, yes, but tomorrow I will wake up and be happy again, happy to be a woman and happy to be an American. Today I am sad, but tomorrow it'll be okay. And I plan on learning as much as I can about Trump and having an open mind on him starting tomorrow. I did give him A LOT of second chances, but he is the president. He won fair and square. Life will go on and we will get to see what he is truly made of. He has the time to prove himself to us so let him do that. Let him show us who he is as president. Maybe, just maybe he'll prove us wrong. God, I hope so.

Don't let this election ruin your friendships. Don't let this election bring you down. Don't let this election tear you apart. We are all entitled to our opinions and it's time to accept each other's voices and move on.

xoxo,
A

The Truth

  I'm written different blog posts for this topic. I've thought about how to say what I want to say without saying too much. Why do I even want to write about this? Is it even worth writing about, sharing my story? To me, yes it is. I'm sharing for the people who didn't get a chance to live past their depression and see the beauty of life outside of their illness. I'm sharing for those kids who don't know where to turn to get the help they need. I'm sharing because I finally learned what a second chance is and I'm going to make the most of mine.
 
    I don't ever think I've felt so desperate in my life. Hopeless is a good word to describe how I felt too. I felt like I was losing everything all at once and nothing good would ever happen to me again. One second everything is fine, the next you're laying on your bed while your best friend is calling for help. I finally was working out every day, going out with my friends, realizing who's there for me and who isn't, and for the first time in my college career, I love my major and I have really good grades. The depression goggles were on and in full effect, not letting me see what is all in front of me. I could've lost everything in one spilt-second decision.

    Mental illness is an invisible, mean monster. You are not weak because you have anxiety, depression, etc. In fact, I think it makes you stronger. Mental Illness forces us to handle things that some people don't even understand and never will. Every single day is a new challenge that you have to take on and that's exactly what we do. One day I hope people will look at mental illness like a physical illness. If you saw someone having a heart attack, would you judge them for crying out in pain? No! So why would you judge someone for having a panic attack? Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.

     I'm ready to challenge my anxiety and depression. It almost got the best of me, almost, but it didn't. One thing I learned over this span of events...I am not crazy and I shouldn't be embarrassed. Having anxiety or depression does not make anyone crazy. I am unique because I face these challenges. I am strong because I beat these challenges every day. I may not have asked for this, my gosh I would never ask for this, but I was given it and I'm going to work hard against it every single day.

     The truth about mental illness is that it kills and if it doesn't, it tries damn hard. The truth is you may not even realize you have it until you're in the back of an ambulance on the way to the ER. The truth is you are not going through this alone, ever. The truth is you'll beat it.

Always be kind to others and to yourself.

Xoxo

To the Friend Who Changed My Life

To the friend who changed my life,
     The minute I met you, I knew you were special. You just had this way about you. You could make anyone feel special. There was this smile you had and this powerful dedication to everyone around you. If you weren't okay, nobody knew it. You always cared more about others than you cared about yourself. If I had a sad tweet, you'd text me to make sure I was okay. If I working on one of my organizations, you were there to support.

     It takes a special kind of person to put themselves last even when they're going through some of the toughest things they'll ever have to face. You did that. Sometimes people come into your life as little gifts and that's what you were to me. You taught me to be selfless, you taught me to dedicate my life to the things I love, you taught me to be free. You taught me that life could hand you the shittest hand and yet we just had to keep going.

    I'm always told to put myself first once and a while, that I can't always be nice and giving. Sometimes it's more important to care for ourselves but you taught me otherwise. I will always strive to make other happy because that's what you did.

    An angel? Maybe that's what you are. An angel sent here to make me see life in a different way. Maybe you came to teach me lessons. Or maybe just maybe you came just to spread some happiness and fun into my life. Whatever it was, thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for surprising me with your kind words and gestures. And thanks for saying that you loved me back when I made you. My life was made better because of you.

   Yeah, an angel that sounds nice. I'll always think of you as an angel. Sometimes people leave us for someone better, sometimes people leave us and move across the country, and sometimes people leave us for the best place you can be, Heaven. But no matter where you are right at this moment, know one thing is for sure, I'll never ever forget you or what you've done for me. I'll never forget how you changed my life.

Xoxo

The Gym

There are few times in my life that I feel truly proud of myself. Lately, I've been feeling really proud of myself for working out and sticking to my workout schedules. Although it takes forever to build confidence, fitness gives me a little more confidence each time I work out. I wanted to write not only about working out and how awesome it is, but also about cheering others on and encouraging each other.

I see a lot of tweets like "don't tweet about the gym, just go work out" or "nobody cares that you're at the gym" basically putting down anyone who tweets about the gym. Sometimes there's even Facebook posts [yes Facebook posts] mocking people who like to work out. I don't tweet about the gym to let others know I'm there. I tweet about the gym because I genuinely love the gym. It makes me happy being there. My twitter is basically random thoughts that enter my head, song lyrics, or somethings that interest me. The gym interests me. I love the gym and I love working out so when I tweet about it, I'm not looking for anyone to compliment me or anyone to notice I'm there. I'm tweeting for me. Sorry people but my tweets are not for you!

When I see progress pictures or gym posts, I feel so proud of people! Like yay!! You're making yourself healthier and fitter and in that process, you're probably gaining some confidence which you deserve. When I'm at the gym I love seeing people there! Whether you're heavy set, already skinny and toned, or just average, I'm proud to see anyone there. We're all there to accomplish our own goals and some might even be the same. So why not build someone up instead of tweet about how annoying they are? The time it takes to hate on someone for loving the gym is the same amount of time that you could be supporting them and putting positive energy out there.

The gym is the one place I truly feel good about myself. I get there and I know what I'm doing. I have a plan and I even help my friends that tag along with me. It's a good feeling. I like to see progress and I like to feel good afterwards. Working out is SO important. Not only would I like to lose a few pounds here and there, but I just want to be healthy. There are so many fast food chains or unhealthy aisles in the grocery store. It is so hard to stay on track but the gym is there to help you when you fall off. I think it is so important to feel good and like the way you look. Every body has a different shape and a different look, but as long as you're healthy who cares! Be you and love who you are and how you like. The gym is there to help you feel good!!

Moral of the story, be proud of yourself and be proud of your peers. When I take a friend with me to workout or even my mom, I am so proud of how hard they work. I'm also so proud of how hard I work, too. There is nothing but positivity there and I feel like that is how everyone should feel too! Next time you see someone post a progress pic, don't judge them, be proud of them! (Do you know how hard it is to feel comfortable enough to post a progress picture? IT'S HARD) When you see someone tweet about going to the gym, think wow good for you, maybe I should go too! instead of hating on them!

Spread positivity and positivity will come back to you!

~A

7 things to celebrate on World Down Syndrome Day

World Down Syndrome Day is celebrated worldwide on March 21! Why? A person born with Down Syndrome has an extra 21st chromosome. There is so much to celebrate on this day!

1. Celebrate someone you love with an extra 21st chromosome! (DUH)
2. Celebrate the fact that they are here and were given a chance at life.
3. Celebrate parents, teachers, family, friends of those with Down Syndrome. They are the reason our friends with Down Syndrome are doing amazing things and living their lives to the fullest. Without the support of these people, those with Down Syndrome would not live a filled life.
4. Celebrate their advances and accomplishments. Just some 20 or 30 years back, people with Down Syndrome were sent to facilities and not expected to do much. Now we have models, actors, olympic athletes that are all accomplishing so much all while having Down Syndrome.

5. Celebrate the graduates who have graduated from High School and maybe even gone to college. That's right, kids with Down Syndrome are going to college now!
6. Celebrate the differences those with Down Syndrome bring to this world. They teach those they encounter every single day to appreciate differences and lessen judgement.
7. Celebrate what they can do instead of what they can't. They might not be able to drive, but they can walk! They might not be able to become a lawyer, but they can work in a busy grocery store working around people!

Every day should be a celebration of those who have Down Syndrome. This disability can really hold them back if they let it, but we need to celebrate the fact that they don't let it hold them back! If you see someone with Down Syndrome today, make sure to let them know they're special and you're thankful that they are here today.

Losing a Dog

Losing a dog brings about the same pain as losing a human. Maybe not exactly the same, but I'd say pretty darn close. When I was little, all I wanted was a dog. Now I'm an adult and all I want is a puppy. It never ends. When you're little you imagine owning this puppy and loving on it constantly, you never think about ten years down the road when the puppy is now a dog, an old dog, and the future is limited with them. Why would you want to think about that?

A pet, in my case dogs, becomes like a sibling to you or for my parents, a child. You feed them, take them for walks, talk to them. They are literally your family and you love them just like you love your brother or sister. I think a big reason that we love our animals like they're human is because they love you even when no one else does. They listen to you when nobody else listens. They give you kisses even when you're sick. They are there for every part of your life, the highs and the lows. When I feel the most unloveable and think the world is out to get me, my dogs are always there for me. When you walk through the door, they race to you as if you are the greatest thing to ever exist and to them, you are. 

It's weird to think that a dog can be "put down." Like they don't have a say in any of this, their owners just decide they're sick and old and it's their time. Most times, this is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make in your life. You have all these questions, is this right? Is our dog really in need of this? Are we doing what's best for him? What if he gets better in the future? Let me tell you, sometimes it just has to be done no matter how hard it is and I promise, it is always hard.

It sucks missing your dog. Missing the walks you would take, the kisses you would get, the fun you would have. If you have the right dog, losing them is like losing a sibling. If you have the right dog, losing them is heartbreaking. If you have the right dog, losing them is like losing your best buddy. They are there for you when nobody else is. Dogs are actually a man's (or woman's) best friend.

A pet just doesn't live as long as a you will, unless you get a turtle, those suckers live forever. If you're lucky enough to find a dog that matches who you are and you have the time and energy to give to your pet, make those years count. With each of my pets, I have always made the years count. Now that I just lost one and have two left with me, I definitely am trying my hardest to give them the attention they deserve. I guess one thing makes it easier when losing a pet, you know that they will always want you to be happy even when they're gone. That is their job. Our dogs want us to be happy which is why they are so affectionate and goofy and cuddly. They love you more than you love them (doesn't seem possible, but it is) and they just want their owners to be happy no matter what.

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."

Why I Don't Say The R-Word

"Mentally retarded" was once a diagnosis used to describe those with intellectual disabilities. In the last few years, that term has been taken out of the medical dictionary and replaced with intellectual disabilities. Unfortunately the term "retarded" wasn't given up easily by those in today's society. It is now used to describe somebody is doing something dumb, stupid, wacky, goofy, crazy, etc. But what does it really mean when you're using that word?

It means taking away the specialness of someone with a disability. It means slapping a label on someone because of their IQ. It means comparing someone doing something stupid to those who are born with mental differences. Why don't I say the r-word? One word - inclusion. Another word? Love. How about one more? Equality. I don't use this word because it is just plain mean. There is no reason to insert this word into our vocabulary when we could literally just say why are you acting so dumb instead of why are you acting so "retarded?"

My sister, as many know, has Down Syndrome. I can assure you she is not dumb or wacky or crazy or retarded. She is Jessica and she wants to be treated just like everyone else. She didn't ask to be born with a disability, my parents didn't intentionally give her one. Growing up I didn't even look at her any differently, she was just my sister. I don't say the r-word because of her and her friends. Thanks to them, I am who I am.

I feel bad for those who can't accept others and the differences that come with each individual. Differences should be celebrated, not looked down upon or given a word that makes somebody feel less as a person. When you use the r-word that is exactly what you are doing. You're putting those who have disabilities into a category that separates them from the rest of the population. When you use this word, you could be saying it right next to someone who has a disability and you don't even know it. There are many different disabilities out there and some are not easily seen. Instead of watching who you say the r-word around, just don't say it.

I understand growing up in school and hearing your peers use this word. I heard it and said it myself once before even realizing what it meant. This is why there's this movement, to make people aware of the hurt that comes with this word. Spread the word to end the word is here to remind people not to use this nasty word at all, ever.

I don't say the r-word and you shouldn't either.