Dealing with Anxiety

"Most people experience feelings of anxiety before an important event such as a big exam, business presentation or first date. Anxiety disorders, however, are illnesses that fill people's lives with overwhelming anxiety and fear that are chronic, unremitting, and can grow progressively worse."

Imagine feeling nervous before a big exam or a big meeting with your boss. Now, times that by 100. Yes, 100. That is what a person diagnosed with an anxiety disorder feels every single day. It doesn't go away. Unfortunately, in today's society, mental illnesses are kept quiet. Nobody really has a full understanding of them, especially those who don't have the illness, so they're almost looked down upon. Everything a person with anxiety experiences is in your brain so you can't see them. If you have the flu, it's noticeable. If you have a cold, you can see the runny, red nose and the pale skin. If you're having a panic attack, it's all internal. Nobody can see your stomach turning or your brain racing. When I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I kept it extremely quiet. I only let a few people know what I was dealing with and I just took my medication without anybody truly knowing. I refuse to keep it quiet now.

Why do I think it's important to talk about? Because I know somewhere, somebody is going through what I went through before I got the help I needed. Somebody somewhere is feeling anxiety every single day but isn't talking about it. They're suffering silently like I did for so long and if they just hear somebody else's story, maybe they'll reach out and get the help they need. That's why I want to tell my story.

When I went away to college my freshman year, I went through the typical homesickness. The weird thing was, mine was taken to the next level.  I cried every single day, I felt sick all the time, my mind was constantly racing. Now, I knew I would have a hard time going away, but I never thought it would be this bad. My friend had mentioned that her mom suggested she had anxiety and needed to get help for it. Then I thought, maybe that's what I'm going through, too. I kinda shrugged it off and let it go. Before I knew it, it was worse than ever. I thought maybe it's time to get the help I truly needed.  I finally let my family know what I was going through, which wasn't easy. I went to the doctors where they diagnosed me and gave me medication right away. I finally had the answers I needed. I wasn't going crazy, I was just suffering from a mental illness, anxiety.

I kept this quiet for so long. Only the people closest to me knew what I was going through and I wanted to keep it that way. Even my family had a hard time understanding what I was going through. That wasn't their fault, they just didn't know what I was going through. My mom is the best nurse I know and she knows everything about everything medical, but this she just couldn't understand. I would get frustrated because they didn't see what I was really going through, but it wasn't their fault. Panic attacks were always horrible but now I was able to control them with medicine. Unfortunately, though, mental illnesses just don't go away. This is something I have to face every single day and will have to face every day for the rest of my life. I have to decide if maybe I'm freaking out and creating situations in my head because I'm have anxiety or if something is really happening in real life. It's almost like my brain vs the world.

Anxiety and depression are nothing to be embarrassed of and I can promise you more people are going through it than you think. But remember, just because you feel anxiety once a week or once a month, do not claim you have this disorder. There is a big difference between being nervous for a test and being nervous every day of your life. Just trying to do normal, everyday things can be a challenge. These challenges don't have to be faced alone, though. Mental illnesses can strike at any time. Growing up, I was a happy person with lots of friends and a loving family. I never thought anxiety could happen to me, but here I am facing this illness every single day. I never knew much about it until it happened to me and now I want others to know they can talk about it, they can get the help they need.

Never give up, you are not alone.

~A