The Truth

  I'm written different blog posts for this topic. I've thought about how to say what I want to say without saying too much. Why do I even want to write about this? Is it even worth writing about, sharing my story? To me, yes it is. I'm sharing for the people who didn't get a chance to live past their depression and see the beauty of life outside of their illness. I'm sharing for those kids who don't know where to turn to get the help they need. I'm sharing because I finally learned what a second chance is and I'm going to make the most of mine.
 
    I don't ever think I've felt so desperate in my life. Hopeless is a good word to describe how I felt too. I felt like I was losing everything all at once and nothing good would ever happen to me again. One second everything is fine, the next you're laying on your bed while your best friend is calling for help. I finally was working out every day, going out with my friends, realizing who's there for me and who isn't, and for the first time in my college career, I love my major and I have really good grades. The depression goggles were on and in full effect, not letting me see what is all in front of me. I could've lost everything in one spilt-second decision.

    Mental illness is an invisible, mean monster. You are not weak because you have anxiety, depression, etc. In fact, I think it makes you stronger. Mental Illness forces us to handle things that some people don't even understand and never will. Every single day is a new challenge that you have to take on and that's exactly what we do. One day I hope people will look at mental illness like a physical illness. If you saw someone having a heart attack, would you judge them for crying out in pain? No! So why would you judge someone for having a panic attack? Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.

     I'm ready to challenge my anxiety and depression. It almost got the best of me, almost, but it didn't. One thing I learned over this span of events...I am not crazy and I shouldn't be embarrassed. Having anxiety or depression does not make anyone crazy. I am unique because I face these challenges. I am strong because I beat these challenges every day. I may not have asked for this, my gosh I would never ask for this, but I was given it and I'm going to work hard against it every single day.

     The truth about mental illness is that it kills and if it doesn't, it tries damn hard. The truth is you may not even realize you have it until you're in the back of an ambulance on the way to the ER. The truth is you are not going through this alone, ever. The truth is you'll beat it.

Always be kind to others and to yourself.

Xoxo

To the Friend Who Changed My Life

To the friend who changed my life,
     The minute I met you, I knew you were special. You just had this way about you. You could make anyone feel special. There was this smile you had and this powerful dedication to everyone around you. If you weren't okay, nobody knew it. You always cared more about others than you cared about yourself. If I had a sad tweet, you'd text me to make sure I was okay. If I working on one of my organizations, you were there to support.

     It takes a special kind of person to put themselves last even when they're going through some of the toughest things they'll ever have to face. You did that. Sometimes people come into your life as little gifts and that's what you were to me. You taught me to be selfless, you taught me to dedicate my life to the things I love, you taught me to be free. You taught me that life could hand you the shittest hand and yet we just had to keep going.

    I'm always told to put myself first once and a while, that I can't always be nice and giving. Sometimes it's more important to care for ourselves but you taught me otherwise. I will always strive to make other happy because that's what you did.

    An angel? Maybe that's what you are. An angel sent here to make me see life in a different way. Maybe you came to teach me lessons. Or maybe just maybe you came just to spread some happiness and fun into my life. Whatever it was, thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for surprising me with your kind words and gestures. And thanks for saying that you loved me back when I made you. My life was made better because of you.

   Yeah, an angel that sounds nice. I'll always think of you as an angel. Sometimes people leave us for someone better, sometimes people leave us and move across the country, and sometimes people leave us for the best place you can be, Heaven. But no matter where you are right at this moment, know one thing is for sure, I'll never ever forget you or what you've done for me. I'll never forget how you changed my life.

Xoxo